Happy 26th Birthday Sweetheart

Hahahaha ada yang kaget dikasih surprise rame2 :)) Doaku di ulang tahun kamu yang ke-26 semoga kamu semakin menjadi Bino yang lebih baik lagi dan bisa jadi contoh yang baik buat aku, bisa bimbing aku terus. Semoga kamu bisa cepat adaptasi di kerjaan baru kamu yaa. Aku sayang kamu iin :*
Selalu jadi orang yang baik ya, seperti kamu yang ketemu aku 4 tahun lalu :)

When things are not at their best

Hey sayang, I wanna write down our story here. The story that has changed our relationship. It started about 2 months ago when everything was fine, when we were so happy. A week before ‘the tragedy’, you took me to your cousin’s wedding. I met lots of your relatives, they were all so nice to me. Everyone was asking “kapan …” ??? hahha *anggep aja doa ya yang. Surprisingly, your mom introduced me to some of the guests as ‘calonnya Bino’ hehe. Shocked and happy at the same time and I whispered in silence saying aamiin ya Allah. When you drove me home, we also had a chit chat about our dreams, yes OUR dreams and hopes for the future together. At that time I was so sure that you’re the one for me, I adore you so much as a man. Suddenly, everything changed. A week after or 2 weeks before ramadhan to be exact you conducted a training program at Nestle HO with new co-workers, just like you. At that time, I can feel that you changed into the person I didn’t even recognize. Bino I used to know was a very nice, affectionate, honest guy, a loving person, wise, Bino who always protect his lil girl and protect her heart, and Bino who always be my role model. But during those times you were different. Hmmm.. I won't talk about it anymore, about the complete story. I just want to share my thoughts on it, about my struggle.

I can say it was the hardest time, the lowest point in our relationship. The worst feeling ever, feeling unwanted by the person you want the most :" I still remember that day when i found out everything, early in the morning after sahur. I couldn't say anything. Everything was held inside. My chest hurt and my eyes were sore. Then i called you, but you didn't say a word. We didn't talk for hours and finally you called me at night time. I thought you gave up by saying 'apa mungkin ini yang terbaik'. I cried and died a little bit inside. Tell me, how a person say goodbye to her love, brother, bestfriend and home at the same time? :"

I cried like almost everyday, thinking we might be end up losing each other. I imagined what would it be like without you around. At some point, i feel like am tired of chasing, tired of trying, tired of waiting and tired of crying. I tried my best to show you how much i love you, to protect us, but I failed. When everything seemed so hard to me and feel like giving up, I tried to be strong then I talked to myself saying "everything's gonna be alright medina, someone's gonna make you smile again, and you will be happy eventually" but then i cried again imagine my days would be empty without you.

Somehow, i'm grateful that this happened to us. It has opened my eyes, probably ours. Happiness won't come easy, right? We do have plans but only Allah can decides. Allah wants us to stay close to Allah, to ask, pray, beg and put hopes just in Allah. During those times, my heart hurts so bad but somehow i felt so peace and calm inside because I believe everything's gonna be okay if we trust that Allah will give us the best thing in the end. I learnt how to make commitment when things are difficult, we have built a strong relationship for 4,9 years and I hope those problems will not destroy us. I hope everything will be back to normal just lke the old days, when we love each other that much.

I can't promise you that I won't dissapoint you at some point. If someday I do, or someday I give up on us and start turning my back against you. Please remind me of today and pretty please, don't give up on me, don't ever give up on US. Remind me of how happy we were, how strong we were. Remind me of how we survived LDR, how we tried so hard to protect this relationship when you are away from me and remind me that we have created wonderful memories. Remind me of how lucky we are to have each other. Please hold on and remember that no matter what I do, there is always that girl who loves you more that anything inside me.

No matter what happened, what will happen in the future, I wanna thank you for everything you've done, you've given, and everything you've made me done and become. I'm the luckiest girl on earth to have the priviledge to be loved by such a beautiful, strong, and loving person. Please don't ever change again, just be you sayang. the one that I adore so much.

I loved you 4 years ago, I loved you last year, I love you now, and I'll love you til my very last year Bino Gustiano.